Motherhood Personal

I suck at motherhood.

Sounds fucked up doesn’t it? I really hear my voice in my head every single damn day saying this. Days are so fucking long. My two toddlers (1 & 3 Year old) are driving me mad. Not because of this whole BS lockdown but about how I can’t seem to catch up on anything. I try playing and reading with them and yet they cry cause they want damn cake at 7 IN THE MORNING. Lennon, my 3 year old doesn’t sleep. I am serious. I think he sleeps about 3-4 hours a night/morning. In that time that he’s awake, he has crazy energy. He doesn’t know how to fully process that so he lashes out, and i mean I don’t blame him… He’s only THREE. I am 25 with two kids and stay at home trying to find the meaning to life. I constantly question my ability to be a mother. I find it insane how I even was able to create them. My daughter sienna is thankfully a bit less wild than Lennon and I think the universe was in my favor. The universe knew that if I fucking had Two wild children – I would most likely become bald because of all my hair pulling. (yes I pull my hair out- Ive been doing it since my teen years).

Carrying on with this post, I think I suck at motherhood. It probably means I am doing it right?

My children really are amazing. They remind me everyday that they don’t care that I didn’t have the house in order or we went through the MCDonalds drive through twice this week because I honestly didn’t want to make something they would truly eat… Yeah you know what its like.

To conclude this random, unedited post:

Mamas, your kids fucking love you and they honestly don’t fucking care if the house is messy. When they hug you, kiss you, even cry for you, THEY CHOOSE YOU. YOU ARE THEIR PERSON.
AND THATS HOW YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT SUCKING AT MOTHERHOOD.

You got this shit ma.
Now lets say cheers to another day!
-Zellie

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